hogwash

It is amazing how little ‘Joe Six-pack’ actually knows about the United States of America.  They know very little about where it came from, how it got here, or even what America stands for.  The hope of having any kind of conversation with ‘Joe’ that includes facts is about as likely as having Alaska’s Governor Palin on the ticket as a Vice-President.  (Oh.  Crap.  I will have to find a new metaphor for things that are unlikely.) 

Over the last couple of days, I have had one of these one-way conversations with Mr. Six-pack, and I have to tell you, if you are a fan of the great American experiment, the depth of his ignorance is disheartening if you are hoping for the experiment to succeed.  Most importantly, it is indicative of what civic leaders like Barack Obama have to face every day of their lives.

The next couple of paragraphs will sort of run like a play-by-play.  As readers of this blog continue through the text, you will swear that you know this Mr. Six-pack.  I promise you that you don’t, well, unless you actually do know him, which would be funny to me.  For the purposes of this column, I will call him ‘Benedict.’ Benedict fits, mainly because he is a classic American traitor, and you will see why as you read on.  Benedict is indicative of the halfwit that the regressive, maverick Republican brand has rounded up and caged as sure-thing voters year after year.

It all started this Sunday as I sat on my couch watching ‘Meet the Press’ on my DVR.  From my laptop, which sits next to me, a loud crash of a gong came across my speakers to notify me that I had a new email.  It was from Benedict, a Joe Six-pack that I met once a few years back when I was laid up from a knee surgery.  He was not happy with my last blog post ‘Therapists are here to ‘get’ us, not VPs.’

The following is not for respectable people who are easily offended:

“Thanks Karl (my dad) for sending this one. It just proves you and your ex were extremely intoxicated the night this one was conceived. Junior, I only met you once and I will refer to you as BLISTER because you showed up after we had finished moving your father a few years back. Just like you liberals, showing up after the work is done. What Karl should have done was wait for the government to move him, just like OSAMA’s posse did in Louisiana when Katrina hit. I have spent enough time on BLISTER, it is obvious the major thing BLISTER and all liberals are missing is COMMON SENSE. It must have been aborted on your daddy’s sheets.”

I replied with, “Typical.  When you lose on the facts you revert to personal attacks.  Facts matter Benedict, so unless you’ve got some, you’re useless to the greater debate and the larger picture.  When I get emails like this, I can’t help but thank the people who created the system of checks and balances the way that they did, or people like you would actually be running this country…or at least what would even be left of it.”

Needless to say, there have been 40+ emails sent back and forth since then.  I won’t bore you with most of them, mainly because it will probably make you a little nauseous to read most of what he says, but in general, the entire conversation has been largely one-sided as it relates to facts.  All Benedict has in his arsenal are old Limbaugh and Coulterisms, like “liberals showing up when the work is done,” and “The only difference between Obama and Osama is the ‘bs’,” and “I’m no more racist that Osama (again, meaning Obama.)” 

He didn’t deny, nor defend his racism, other than to recite a list of other African-Americans who he claims are racist, so I had to ask, “So you excuse your racism because of what you claim to be someone else’s?   Whatever happened to the conservative ideal of personal responsibility?  Or, are you a hypocrite too?  One who only applies the conservative ideals that he isn’t too lazy, mentally and physically, to deal with?”

As you might expect, he came back with, “Again other than the word Africa what did I say was racist? Nothing that is what you liberals do is throw the race card. Is Rev. Wright racist? Is Michele OSAMA racist for her speech talking whitey this and whitey that? Let me guess freedom of speech. What about OSAMA’s ties with Rezco? If that was a Republican Lord help us.”

I literally LOL’d on that one.  I about hit the floor I was laughing so hard.  After I explained to him how disrespectfully calling Obama, Osama was racist and how Michelle never said those things that Fox News falsely propagated and later recanted, and how Obama was cleared of any wrong-doing with Rezco, my laughter stopped.  It stopped because at that moment I realized just how clueless Benedict and his fellow “patriots” are.  And then, when I thought of all of the other people who willingly, and many times unknowingly believe these lies, it made me sad for my country.

Then it dawned on me, as he proceeded to send me all of the crazy viral emails that were proven false months and years ago that form the basis of his neurotic political beliefs, like the South Dakota FEMA email, and the Obama not saying the pledge email, etc., that Benedict is not a conservative.  Wick Allison is a conservative, George Will is a conservative.  My grandfather was a conservative.  This man is not a conservative.  He is a modern day American traitor. 

In his deranged, hateful world, he denies everything and anything that has made America great. Such “liberal” documents as the Constitution, and the words carved in to the Statue of Liberty don’t escape his scorn and cynicism.  They apparently are just out-dated ideas that only hold meaning for ”liberals.”  How do I know this?  I presented the Constitution and the Statue of Liberty to Benedict as evidence of how it was the ingenuity of American capitalism, restrained with common sense social maturity, and the immensely successful liberal ideas of our forefathers that has made America so strong, and this is what he had to say about it:

“That was great years ago. You liberals screwed it up. Press 1 if you want that in English and 2 if you want it in Spanish. Get the picture moron.”

Yes Benedict.  I get the picture.  I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, but I get the picture.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS